Tuesday, 13 September 2016

Review: Return of the Living Dead: Rave to the Grave (2005)

Stars: Cory Hardrict, Peter Coyote


Directed By: Ellory Elkayem

Budget: Unknown probably close to the last one

Okay it's taken me a while to gather my thoughts on this one. I keep coming to the same conclusion unfortunately, it's bad, it's badder than bad. It's not even one of them so bad it's good/okay films.

No this tries to be funny, I mean it really tries. Where Necropolis was more serious like part 3, RttG tries to be funny like parts 1+2 it fails miserably. With idiotic characters and stupid effects for their drug taking etc.

filmed back to back with necropolis this one takes off a year after the last. Charles after escaping the last film is killed trying to sell one of the canisters of trioxin. His nephew Cody hears about this and goes to his house where he finds the other two remaining trioxin canisters.

Hi-jinks start once he gives one to his friend a chemistry student to find out what the stuff inside is. He finds out it has some kind of meth amphetamine in it. Together with one of the others they secretly make the trioxin into a drug like ecstasy called Z because it sends into a zombie like state.

Of course this backfires as due to the size of dosage you take you will sooner or later change into a zombie hungering for BRAINSSSSS. oh god shoot me now this is so, so bad. Anyway two agents who survived the earlier encounter with Cody's uncle are after the last two barrels as well.
Like the last film and unlike the first three these zombies can be killed quite easily with a shot to the head, though i swear some even die just to normal gunshots.

Oh i forgot to mention the zombie rats too, also a cameo from tar man. who actually does seem invincible, why? Who the fuck knows four and five just make their rules up as they go along.

So a big Rave is organised and Cody's friend has mass produced a large quantity of the Z drug for all people there to use. Taking large amounts many of the occupants OD on the drug and turn into zombies. Turning the party/rave into a blood bath, The agents plus Cody and friends ( i call them and friends because I couldn't be bother to memorize their names, nor did i want to) show up to try save some other people and kill some of the zombies in the rave before its bombed the shit out of.

That is basically it. Please i implore you, do not sully the original trilogy by watching these films pretend they don't exist, or at the very least they are a different film series taking the piss out of an already satirical series. I can't stress enough that these are truly bad films, this one even more so than Necropolis this film is getting the very rare, rarest of the rare 0 stars out of 5 from THN.


Friday, 9 September 2016

Preview: Other Halves (2016)

Stars: Lauren Lakis, Mercedes Manning

Directed By: Matthew T. Price

Budget: -


Okay so as this is a b-movie/ indie production I went into this film with my be fair/forgiving frame of mind. By 20 minutes in I realised I never needed to do that, but that's good and bad in this case.
You see Other Halves is by no means on par with a mainstream film but it come damn close to it more often than not.

The quality of the filming is great compared to many indie/b-movies. none of that fuzzy or shadowing bits you can get.
The acting is a mixed bunch mostly above average peaking on good in groups. It does sometimes have the 1/2 second delay response from someone if it's only a group of two people.
You expect that from this kind of movie and i know this isn't always an actors fault it can be the cutting too. You can tell the difference though when it's a blank emotion response or a upbeat one with just a delayed reaction. Please don't take these as bad points because you like me should know this is Indie/B-movie normal.

Right one more point before the main review, this is specifically for women lovers everywhere, men or women. This film has women, ooh yes eye candy and the two main stars too!
Both appear full frontal nude which is definitely a plus mark from this man, ooh yes! lol.

Onto the film, this has to be one of the best and least used ideas i've seen in a little while, no jump scare-a-thons, no possessed children/dolls/item, it is an App. Yeah one of those little programs you can happily d/l onto your android, Mac or other operating systems.
It's a dating app that matches you with your perfect partner based on everything you do in your time like interests shopping habits, even naughty habits. The film starts with a spot ad for the app staring Lauren Lakis as her character Devon. This is very unique and speaks to our pop culture in the way it's presented.

We then cut to Jaz/Jasmine Waking up (totally naked) blood splattered next to a dead guy, she's obviously not new to this as she casually cleans up the mess and leaves, leaving the corpse on the floor.

We then join Shawn and Beth in the office doing some last minute touch ups to the app. It's quite obvious from body language that Shawn likes Beth but she seems oblivious to his motives. Devon and Jana show up adding to the work as does Jasmine.
It's very clear she's a bossy boss but people here seem to be okay with that as their friendly with each other. Devon and Jaz go for a very naughty shower, nothing other than some full frontal nudity but well it's certainly pleasing on the eyes. They, well Devon at least thinks their being spied on, they are from our point of view at least.

We soon get to Mike Beth's boyfriend and he is amazingly good looking and perfect in every way. Much to Shawn's chagrin, he brings everyone a cake personally tailored to their tastes too. We are also introduced to Elle someone who used to work with the team and according to Jana a brilliant but underused mind. We also learn that Devon has turned to her in the past to help dispose of dead bodies and clean up.

It seems a new string of code at the front of the App is bringing out peoples 'Other Halves' see that play on the movies name, hey?
Well seems most other peoples other halves are either sexually charge or homicidal maniacs. One by one the other folks in the office get exposed to the string of code. Starting with Mike the office staff start dropping like flies.
Like i said the App does infect some in different ways Shawn and Beth knock boots but Shawn has murdered Mike. Once he realizes he is very sorry for his actions though, then gets brutally sliced up by Elle who has also seen the code.

I wont spoil anymore of the plot or the ending, though there's not much left to it from this point. Except I a massive fan of Devon's freak out near the end, It seemed to be a bit misplaced and jerky for my liking. Still i loved this film over all and the ending is twisted for sure lol.
THN gives this film a recommend to watch and a strong 3 out of 5 stars



This film is on VOD services from the 4th of Oct, great watch for a Halloween line up

Monday, 5 September 2016

Review: Return of the Living Dead: Necropolis (2005)

Stars: Peter Coyote, Cory Hardrict


Directed By: Ellory Elkayem

Budget: $6 million

Oh god, Oh Jesus, what is it this rubbish?
Well lets go shall we, well someone decided to make this crap that has very little to do or in common with the past 3 films.

The zombies still crave brains that's a weird given they seem to stuck to in this travesty. Aside from that they have nothing to do with the previous RotLD type zombies at all. They can be killed for a start and quite easy too.

So onto the plot it's super stupid and super simple and makes no sense at all. The previous RotLD only had a third of this ones budget, yes it was almost ten years ago but they made a great movie (compared to this one). Here we go i'll do my best to tell you about this film.

So We see Charles Garrison (Peter Coyote) who has traveled to Chernobyl in Russia. He is a scientist and has procured the last known few barrels of Trioxin 5, yes the zombie gas filled barrels. One of the lackeys gets infected by some goop leaking from one and turns all zombie on the others. Charles kills him with a simple shot to the head (uurgh) and gets away with the barrels.

So he experiments with the gas in his company hybra tech, in which his nephews some how get involved in stupid and convoluted ways. With their friends too, some get turned into strange zombie machine hybrids. SWAT teams show up and pretty much save the day literally that's the plot of this film in a nutshell right there. Yes there's the whole love interests and nephews having a confrontation with their uncle over their magically disappearing friends and family.

That's it this movie is so bland and shallow there's hardly anymore reason to explain anything else. Seriously watch this if you want to continue the series with very very lose connections to the previous 3 films. The uncle manages to get away with some of the Trioxin at the end which inevitably means sequel, yes we got ANOTHER one to go and guess what it's quite quite worse than this shit.

THN is proud to tell you to keep the hell away from this travesty that pretty much spoils the franchise from this point on, and gives it a low low 2 stars out of 5


Saturday, 3 September 2016

Review: Return of the Living Dead 3 (1993)

Stars: Mindy Clark, Sarah Douglas

Directed By: Brian Yuzna

Budget: $2million

Ok we are plowing ahead with the RotLD series here. This offering is part 3 also directed by Brian Yuzna a full 5 years after the last.
And it's a doozy, this film made me fall in love with Mindy Clark and realize the lengths you would go to for someone you love.

Curt is a young guy in love, who wouldn't be with the beautiful Miss Clark right?
Unfortunately he also the son of a high ranking army official, his dad does not approve of his relationship with Julie he see's her as a bad influence and just overall risk to his son.

Thinking it cool Julie makes Curt steal his dads pass key and they go to the secret army base where he works. These are obviously just some metal containers joined together in a warehouse. with such a little budget I think these effects are well done.
So they crawl through the air ducts and see Sarah Douglas's character.
That's right her from superman 2, (Ursa) she is doing experiments with the Trioxin gas. This time they are not accidentally losing one or have already lost them. They get discovered and escape the facility only for Curt to has a bike accident flinging Julie into a post and killing her.

Heartbroken Curt takes her corpse to the facility once again and uses the Trioxin to bring her back to life, It works bringing a confused Julie back to life. The gas works a little differently in this one bringing most bodily functions back too ( such as heartbeat etc). It would seem time dead now effects how 'brain dead' the corpse returns as.
They escape again but Sarah's character Col Sinclair see's that Col Reynold's son broke in and brought Julie back to life. Sinclair is also looking into ways to control the undead as weapons, you know typical army stuff.

Julie over the course of the film starts to degenerate and infect others people as she does to. While hiding later on Julie and Curt make friends with a friendly homeless guy in the sewers called Riverman. Julie goes banana's and starts pushing glass and other sharp objects through and into her skin/flesh. Riverman along with a gang also after Curt and Julie get infected too around here.

The army finally catches up to Julie and Curt and capture her, him and the infected Riverman. They turn Riverman into some weird exo-skeleton controlled thing and just before they start experimenting on Julie Curt makes a last ditch attempt to rescue the love of his life.

Thats where i'll leave this because as maybe the 3rd best movie, though because i love the power of love aspect in this film (usually that shit makes me laugh) it's almost joint 2nd or outright 2nd favorite, the only reason it doesn't is this one departs the comedy aspect of the last two and that i appreciated in these films.

So THN gives this film a strong 4 out of 5 stars, next up we have the abysmal 4+5 of the series!


Wednesday, 31 August 2016

Up Coming Horror Games I'm Looking Forwards Too

Friday the 13th

Okay so this game has to be one of the ones i'm most looking forwards too on the list. Getting to play the hockey masked behemoth stalking helpless camp workers looks so much fun. it's not just that though. It's the whole Easter eggs and references that will keep me squeeing for weeks or months while they are discovered or unlocked too.
The cabin where there's nearly everything from a previous film rammed in there, from props to different Jason models. All maps will be proceduraly generated too around the main cabin so they say, which should make most games unique.
So the councilors will have to work together and survive to escape from Jason in a number of ways one being a car, more i haven't heard of. Jason WILL be killable but it's going to take a lot and only 1/10 games will result in councilors actually winning this way (supposedly). That's pretty much all I know so far, but it's got me stoked for this game.


Resident Evil 7

Initially I hated the look of this, it just seemed like an outlast or Alien isolation clone with the Resident Evil tag slapped on it. Both Demo's shown with the initial one apparently not even being a part of the finished game, have nothing in them linking to anything game play or story wise from the other games.
Then it was accidentally shown there will be gun play etc in it. I think they really need to show some of this stuff to keep the original RE crowd, who 80% are up in arms over the travesty they've seen so far go completely nuts.
I have loved RE since the original playstation, i played 5 minutes of it at my friends ran out with my old super nintendo and 15 games and traded it in for a ps1 and RE lol. I loved them all up to and including RE4 then they just seemed to lose the plot.
Theres two things i hope with this, one it has at least some small link somewhere with the other ones, otherwise just call it a reboot or even something else. Two just dont have it all as a hiding simulator, don't say your bringing back and totally copy something like the aforementioned games.

Review: Return of the Living Dead 2 (1988)

Stars: Thom Matthews, James Karen

Director: Brian Yuzna

Budget: $6.2 Million

Yes the second installation of the RotLD series. Directed by Mr Yuzna the man behind the Reanimator series, another of my favorite movie series's.
It kind of forgets the last movie but references it in some weird ways, which i'll get to later.

So it's late at night and some army truck carrying the same trioxin barrels from the first movie is speeding along on a road.
The speeding and a pothole knocks free a barrel which goes bouncing down into a ravine. A little later some bully and his friend cajole the kid 'hero' of the film down into a water outlet.
Inside the barrel has come to rest the kids open the top hatch and get scared when the glass clears revealing the zombie face. They all run and the bullies lock hero kid in a mausoleum in a graveyard. There he escapes and runs off after being told off by non other than Frank and Freddy from the first movie. Except this time they are grave robbers stealing bodies/parts for money.

Stupid bullies go back later and break open the barrel exposing themselves and the nearby graveyard to the trioxin gas. Once again Frank and Freddy get infected with the gas and yes throughout the movie the slowly change into zombies just the first. Freddy even, maybe in some weird fourth wall breaking way says later in the film i feel like this has all happened before!

So all hell breaks lose as the undead rise and infect the living once again into nearly invulnerable zombies. This one, even though the first was a horror comedy too has a much lighter tone not so doom and gloom. This was also the first one of the series I ever saw, so yes as usual i am jaded and this is my favorite of the five films.
I also realised in this one that Freddy, Thom Matthews is also Tommy in my favorite part of the Ft13th series, part 6. Unlike the first one they also find a convoluted way of finally dispatching the undead in this one. One of my favorite scenes involving a zombie dressed like Micheal Jackson dancing like him when they all die.

Over all as i said this is one my favorite zombie film by far number one on my list even it being comedy horror. Reanimator is also one of my fave fims too, Brian Yuzna just does something i like a lot when it comes to his films. So for this this gets the THN top fives stars and the strongest please watch I could ever put on a film.


Review: Return of the Living Dead (1985)

Stars: Thom Matthews, Linnea Quigley, Don Calfa

Director: Ken Weiderhorn

Budget: $4million

By far one of my favourite zombie films of all time. I think though I actually saw the second one first, then the third then this one. I was quite young watching these though but thankfully this was comedy enough to not totally freak me like Demons did.

So this apparently has some loose connection to the Romero night of the living dead, in that the canisters in their basement contain some of the zombies from that movie.

Thom Matthews plays Freddy a young guy who just got a job in a medical warehouse. The kind where they store things for biology and medical classes in schools, colleges and universities.
Frank his older coworker does the usual schlock you do with a new guy, try to freak him out with weird stuff. So like i said he shows him these canisters down in the basement, they are old and rusted but Frank believing in sturdy american ingenuity bops one releasing a noxious green gas into the air.

This gas unknowingly to Frank and Freddy infects them and everything 'dead' in the warehouse. They slowly turn into zombies over the course of the film. Now i don't want to spoil to much about this film as it's a damn classic that needs to be watched by anyone who is a zombie fan. This is because it introduces so many zombie norms that people take for granted these days, more so even than night, dawn or day of the dead ever did.
Number one being the need for brains, most if not all zombie films before this series zombies just ate you, all of you. Totally almost totally invulnerable zombies, i mean even beheading bullet to the brain etc does not kill a RotLD zombie. That ones rarely used anymore especially in film. Even running and faster zombies were in this, pretty much dependent on how decayed they are. There's also the

There's only one thing that i don't like about this film and that's it's ending, a typical type of 80's ending that i wont spoil. Linnea Quigley scream queen also stars in this, she is nude for a large amount of the film and gets killed quite gruesomely too.

So yes i love this film series, this is probably my second favorite out of the whole lot of them, i will get around to reviewing them all, even the abysmal 4+5. THN gives this film a strong a 5 out of 5 stars.